WHO DA FRUCK IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF OKLAHOMA? A Midterm Report 2018

WHO DA FRUCK IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF OKLAHOMA? 

A Midterm Report 2018

By

Bob Xavier Williams

Here we are, little over two weeks until the Midterm elections are ranging upon us like some oversexed college student on spring break!

This blog we'll look into the governor race for the great state of Oklahoma!!

What makes it so great?

Hot babes and ton of beer!

The current governor, seen below, is unable to run again this time around due to term limits!

She very sad but it does mean, new candidates for the job!

And we couldn't be more excited!!!

current governor of Oklahoma - Republican Mary Fallin 

The Republicans are putting up -----

(Apparently Wikipedia has no photo of Kevin, go to his site to see his face!)

KEVIN STITT

(REPUBLICAN)

Website: https://www.stittforgovernor.com/

WHAT ABOUT KEVIN?

Kevin is a conservative businessman.

Or a Nazi Vampire.

We're not sure.

His dad was a priest, of, we thing, the High Church of Satan, but we could be wrong!

One of these days we hope to learn how to read.

Kevin wants to go up to the State Capitol and kill everyone with his good looks and bright white teeth.

We're pretty sure we got that right looking at the picture of him and his family, his wife - Aquafina holding their blessed little child Aug and the other twenty seven kids gathered about like some sort of TLC show.

That's all we can find about Kevin - no date of birth, only that his dad was a preacher man and Kevin started a financing company with a $1000 and a computer.

A computer he stole from Radio Shack.

We kid.

He stole it from Sears.

WHY KEVIN?

Kevin wants to streamline both financially and logistically all the branches and departments of the Oklahoma government body.

"It too fat!! We need to cut and cut deep!! Do we really need all of these departments?"

We sure don't!!!

He also wants to reform education.

"Our kids are dumb! Why? Bloated education system!! We need to teach the 3 Rs again - Republican, R, Rite!"

Kevin wants to bring jobs back to Oklahoma, through attracting companies back to the state.

"Good jobs for good people!! The sooner the better!! Har! Har!"

We don't get the joke either!!!

He believes agriculture should be brought back to the #1 position as well as Pro-Life!

"We need more babies for them farms!!"

He's right, you know!! Har! Har!!

We made that joke up just now.

"I don't get it!!"

Kevin believes everyone should get a gun.

Two if you nice!!!

DREW EDMONDSON

(DEMOCRAT)

Website:https://drewforoklahoma.com/

WHO IS DREW?

Drew is the former attorney general of Oklahoma.

Drew was born in Oklahoma, he's (according to his website) for Oklahoma.  

Unless Kansas gives him a better offer!!

Yes, he does look like an insurance salesman.

Or a used car salesman!

"My father told me I should have became a preacher!"

He was born on October 12th, 1946.

At least with Drew we got a photo and a birthday!

WHY DREW?

Apparently both sides can agree that Oklahoma's schools are a mess and need fixing and quickly!

"We have too many dumb kids in our school system.  My plan is to kill all the stupid kids and process them into nutritional food for the rest!"

Good idea Drew. 

You sure you're not Republican.

Drew also wants to fix Oklahoma's broken government.

"I want to kill everyone who doesn't contribute to the process and leave the good ones!"

Again, another winning idea!!

No new taxes!! And kill all the sick people!!

DREW!!!!

His wife Linda has a blog too!!!

Most of these candidates just have their wives sit there and look pretty, not Drew.

"Drew is the man to bring Oklahoma into the 20th Century!!"

And we believe her!!!

CHRIS POWELL

(LIBERTARIAN)

Website:http://www.powellforgovernor.com 

WHAT ABOUT CHRIS?

Chris was in the movie series Harry Potter.

We kid but in his publicity shots, it sure does look like he could have been.

His father was a truck driver and his mom was a book keeper and now, this Libertarian (which is an old Indian word for no chance in hell) wants to be governor!!

"I can do it!!" 

We think he can but then we also eat lead paint chips our entire life.

Chris believes that nobody knows our kids, not in DC or even at the state house, so why the fuck bother.

Seriously, go to his website, click issues and read his stance on education.

Don't tell me I can't translate issues speak!!!

Chris believes we should execute everyone, even if they haven't committed a crime.

"I do not!!"

He basically believes that everyone should have a gun, to "protect themselves", as stated in the Constitution.

You go look, I'll wait.

He also wants to legalize the pot.

We like him for that.

He thinks everyone should have access to Healthcare, even the commies.

We kinda like Chris but he has no chance in Hell.

WHO WILL WIN?

If we were a betting man, we'd say a wet towel will win.

Or that Kevin fellow.

He's Republican.

We're not against Republicans but we just don't like betting on them.

And he doesn't have a birthday!!

That's kinda sad!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow,

WHO THE FRUCK IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR FOR THE GREAT STATE OF UTAH?

WHO DA FRUCK IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF UTAH?

By

Bob Xavier Williams

Another fun night and another blog about the midterm elections.

Tonight we travel to the exotic state of Utah, where the grass is a nice shade of brown and the girls, well, they girls, what else do you need?

HERE'S UTAH!!! Say hello Utah!!

"Hi!"

So now that we got that over with, we can move onto the race itself.

MITT ROMNEY

REPUBLICAN

WEBSITE: pornhub.com JUST KIDDING!!! https://www.romneyforutah.com/

WHO IS MITT?

Mitt was born on a warm brisk day March 12th, 1947 in Detroit, Michigan, to aliens.  From Jupiter.

Don't believe me, Google it!!

I know!! Who knew!!

Mitt tried to run for president a few times, getting his ass handed to him a few times, he jumped on the Trump train once, said fuck that, got off and is now KISS MY BUTT TRUMP.

He married his wife in 1969.  *Giggle* 1969.

And killed his first dog in 1971.

Bad Mitt!!

He started some companies, made a butt load of nickels and soon was back on the road to D.C.

"I'm for Utah but I kinda want to leave!!"

WHY MITT?

Mitt is for Utah.

Mitt is Utah!

Boring as hell and make you want to drive to Wyoming for booze!

MITT!!!!

He also spells his name with four letters, just like Utah!!

He believes in the Constitution, Apple Pie, Jesus was a Jew and other fun time activities all rolled up into some ideals that could pass for Human which, we all know, Mitt is not human!!!

Damn cyborgs trying to take over the world.

Like them damn dirty apes!!!

MITT'S THEME SONG ---- Marilyn Manson's The Beautiful People

NEWS STORIES WE FOUND WHILE SEARCHING FOR STUFF TO POST ----

Source:https://www.sltrib.com/news/politics/2018/10/15/poll-mitt-romney-winning/
Three-fourths of Utah’s Democratic voters plan to vote for Jenny Willson in next month’s U.S. Senate election, according to a new Salt Lake Tribune-Hinckley Institute of Politics poll.

But that’s where the good news for Wilson ends, as the poll shows her opponent Mitt Romney winning among men, women, all age groups, Republicans and unaffiliated voters, for an overall lead of 59 percent to Wilson’s 23 percent.

JENNY WILSON

DEMOCRAT  

WEBSITE: SPANKME.COM again, just kidding!! https://wilsonforsenate.com/

WHAT ABOUT JENNY?

Forrest Gump likes her.

Ha! Ha!

Just kidding, you knew though we were going to open with that joke.

Jenny is from Utah, a 5th generation Utahan, mother, daughter, killer of Giants and all that jazz most candidates say in their bios.

She was born on November 1st, 1965 in Salt Lake City, Utah, that place that is known for its fast cars, fast booze, and people named Steve.

She did stuff too, like run a city into the ground, killed some people and blamed it on Mitt who, ya gotta admit, looks like he would kill people.

Jenny doesn't.

Jenny looks sweet and innocent but if Utah sends her to DC, she'll come back with many shrunken heads and the title DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!

WHY JENNY?

Jenny wants to reunite immigrant families torn apart by President Trump's policy of ripping families apart.

"I did NOT rip families apart!!" President Trump interrupts "FAKE NEWS!! FAKE NEWS!!"

She does not support the GOP tax plan which is aimed more towards giving heartless corporations the tax breaks which they say will trickle down to the poor.

"Yea!! Fuck that!!" Jenny throws in. "Only thing going to trickle down is piss and they'll tell the poor, IT;S RAINING!!" 

Jenny btw, is a mean drunk.

Jenny is for protecting public lands.

While Mitt wants to sell them to China.

"C.O.D!!" Mitt interjects drunk on non-alcoholic root beer.  Mitt doesn't handle booze very well.

"PARTEEEEEEEE!!!" 

Jenny wants to execute all Republicans and those Democrats who suck at the Republican's tits!!

"Enough of this bull shit, DEATH TO ALL TRAITORS TO THE KINGDOM OF S'HALL!!!" 

We had to cut Jenny off.

There's more issues but we're getting tired of typing and still have like three other candidates to go over.

"Fuck em!!" Mitt jumps in.  "This Jenny chick sounds cool!! Can I change my vote to her?"

No!!!

JENNY WILSON'S SONG --- 2Pac Fuck Em all!! 

THE OTHER CANDIDATES

Craig Bowden

Tim Aalders

Reed McCandless

Write-in candidates

Tyrone Jensen

We don't feel like going through all of these other candidates, the third parties, the independents, and the write in.

We have included the links from Ballotpedia for your perusal.

Okay, we'll do an individual profile on each!!

We're bored and still listening to Jenny's campaign song from above.

FUCK EM ALL!!!!

CRAIG BOWDEN

LIBERTARIAN

WEBSITE: "Ain't got no Website, except maybe DENUTZ.COM!!' We kid --- 

https://bowden4senate.com/

We reached out to Craig, his picture making us want to talk to the man, the myth and the legend.

"What? Who are you? ARE YOU WITH THE POLICE?? YA GOTTA TELL ME IF YOU WITH THE POLICE!" 

No man, we're None of the Above doing an in-depth analysis on the Utah Race for Senate. Wanna know, what you about?

"Dude!! I'm all about the poetry of nature as written by Marines, killing people while talking about the roses of life. You know what the roses of life is right?"

No.

"Blood motherfucker! Blood!!'

Get it!!!

"I also believe everyone should have a chance to become a rich mother fucker!!"

Us too!!!

"We should close up military bases around the world, fuck em all, like 2 Pac says, and bring them back to the States. Let them "FUCK AMERICA!!!" find out what happens when our shit ain't there!!"

HELL YEA!!!!!

"People should be allowed to arm themselves in defense of themselves, fuck these pussies who say we should outlaw guns!!! GO BACK TO COMMIELAND YOU COCK SUCKERS!!"

Hell yea!!!! GIVE EM WHAT FOR MAN!!!!! 

"We need to end this stupid war on drugs. Legalize it all, Crank it up!!"

Ooooooooh yea!! We'll vote for you Craig.

Well we have to move onto the other candidates!! Nice talking to you Craig.

"You welcome bitches!!"

TIMOTHY "TIM" AALDERS

CONSTITUTION CANDIDATE

WEBSITE: Google.com.  Ha! https://timaalders.com/

"Conservatives don't have to settle for Mitt Romney!" screams Tim when we call him up.

Alright!!!

"You want to vote for good stuff like hookers, drugs and polka parties?? VOTE FOR ME!! Mitt doesn't like polka! He even killed a dog!!! I have never killed a dog!!"

Sweet!!

Tim also believes immigrants should be allowed in the country but only legally, with sponsorship, able to learn the language of the "Americans", mostly a mix of Chinese and Pigeon.  And have a job, like working in Mexican restaurants or selling life insurance policies.

Guns for everybody.

Including your grandma.

(Yes, we know she dead!!!)

Tim has a lot of issues, mostly Obamacare is bad by raising the prices of insurance, pro-life, and some other stuff.

REED MCCANDLESS

INDEPENDENT

WEBSITE: YAHOO.COM. or 

https://mccandlessforussenate.com/

"I killed a man in Dillon Montana for trying to steal my beer!! Sent that Mother to Butte, Montana or Hell!!' Laughed the man in Black, or Reed to his friends.

"Death to my enemies!!" 

Reed was born in Dillon, Montana and raised in Montana and Idaho, making him one bad mother farmer who is sick and tired of the old blood in DC.

"I want to put some new blood into the Senate, ME!!!'

And we agree!! Too much old blood up there on the Hill!!!

TYRONE JENSEN

[NO PHOTO]

(WRITE IN - REPUBLICAN]

WEBSITE: We don't need no website, just like we don't need no photo!!!

There's nothing for Tyrone except he's running on the write-in campaign, you don't want to vote for them other bitches, you write in Tyrone and boom, you send him to the Hill.

Or don't!!

Tyrone don't give a shit.

Write or do not write.  

Just vote!

(There's photos of Tyrone out there but well, it looks cooler with no photo, no nothing, JUST VOTE!!!)

WHO WILL WIN?

If we had to choose, we'd say Tyrone for the win!!!

Haha, just kidding, we all know it's going to be our man Mitt, with that winning hair, that smile and he's already killed a dog!!!

Go Mitt!!!

The rest of you, there's always next time!!

Maybe governor Tyrone! Has a nice ring to it!!

WHO IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF NEW YORK? MIDTERM 2018!!!

WHO IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK STATE?

BY

BOB XAVIER WILLIAMS - PhD (Post Ham Delusion)

November 6th fast approaches and we here at NONE OF THE ABOVE start a new blog post, we approach the Wheel of Elections and spin the wheel as hard as we can and it lands on New York State Governor Race!!

Hurray!!

New York, our kind of state, never ran by the "Mob" but it was ran by the "Mob"!

So we open up our favorite browser (Atari 2600!!) and wander off to Google and Ballotpedia.org and begin our adventure in politics which have become a nightly thing.

We have two main parties running candidates this time around along with 3 others, let us begin!

ANDREW CUOMO (INCUMBENT) 

"Hi! My name is Andrew and I want to kill you with love!"

(DEMOCRAT)

Website: https://www.andrewcuomo.com/

WHO IS ANDREW?

Andrew was born on December 6th, 1957 on the home world of Peru to world famous former governor Hanky Poo and his wife Huh.

We kid.

Andrew learned at a young age that modern dance was in his blood but his father, Mario, told him, "You will be governor and like it!!"

And so here is Andrew, governor of the state of New York and he wants to be re-elected.

"No, not really! I wanna DANCE!!!"

Andrew also was assistant D.A, ran his dad's campaigns and played the kazoo in an all-girl polka band in 1982.

"Really? I don't remember any of that!"

Yep!!

Andrew has done stuff, lots of stuff, good stuff, we can't tell you what kind of stuff with court cases still pending but lets just say, when Andrew buries a body, it stays buried.

Andrew lives on the 3rd moon of Exadus with his life mate of 13 years Sandra Lee and his three daughters; X'Non, Bornon and Frank.

WHY ANDREW?

"Why the fuck not?"  

We don't know!!!

Andrew has a proven track record.

He hasn't ever killed a guy who didn't deserve to die.

"Damn right!!"

Andrew believes in civil rights and stuff.

He thinks gun safety is pretty nifty too.

"BOO!!" NRA boos from the crowd.

"Shaddup NRA!!" Andrew throws back.

He thinks women should have equal rights too!!

He thinks the LGBTQ Community shouldn't be shot into space, unlike some people.  

Educational opportunities for everyone. And a healthier and cleaner New York.

He wants to build a new New York. 

Get it?

Me neither.

He wants to build a stronger Middle Class.

Who doesn't want that?

By the way, Andrew has a lot of issues!!

But the last one, he wants to battle income inequality by increasing the minimum wage to like 38 cents a day, up from 10 cents a day today!!

Go Andrew!!!!

MARCUS MOLINARO

"I coulda killed a guy, I coulda done it!! I just chose not too!"

(REPUBLICAN)

Website: https://molinaroforny.com/

WHAT ABOUT MARC?

Apparently Marc just ooze up from the ground and said, "Helllooooooo New York!!" around the time of the dinosaurs as no official date of birth or where is to be found.

Marc went to college and decided that life was too short for bad desserts and went into law for some reason.

Soon after leaving college he went into insurance sales.

"You wouldn't want something happening to your car now do ya Ma?" was his opening sales pitch.

After awhile, and acquiring the nickname "THE ENFORCER", Marc decided to enter the political arena by busting some guys knee caps and getting elected as something, we don't remember, but it was something cool.

"Board of Trustees in 1994!"

Yeah, board of trustees!! 

"My nickname wasn't THE ENFORCER it was Princess Sprinkle Dust!!"

THE ENFORCER sounds better. Guys from NY can't have Princess Sprinkle Dust as a nick name!!"

"Why not??"  Marc does a pouty face. "I like it!!" 

Marc did a butt load of other stuff in politics and even had some kids with his wife and life mate Corinne (no we're not making that up!!) 

WHY MARC?

Marc is all about property tax relief and killing monkeys.

Again, if you read our other blogs, monkeys are the evil, they are trying to take over the world.

I watched a documentary on the future where monkeys take over the world and enslave humanity.

Marc wants to stop them before they get a foot hold.

That documentary's name: THE PLANET OF THE APES!!

We do not want that planet, trust!!

Marc also wants to fix the subways, turn them into roller skating paradises, with some wicked speed, commuters will glide with ease to work, home, where ever the fuck they want to glide to.

Marc also wants to restore public trust in government.

"Why won't you love us?"

NOTE: We discovered through Googling Marc that his birthday is October 8th, 1975.  He looks a lot older than us and we were born in 1971.  Sorry Marc. Politics must be a rough sport!

NEWS STORY WE FOUND ABOUT MARC AND ANDREW - 

ALBANY - Marc Molinaro, the Republican nominee for governor, says his wife's background in marketing and design made her a great fit for a job with a construction firm in Dutchess County, where he's county executive.

Gov. Andrew Cuomo suggests it's far more nefarious.

His campaign has aired a pair of television advertisements essentially calling the job a pay-off from a firm with business before Molinaro.
The job is likely to become a major point of attack for Cuomo as the Nov. 6 general election draws near.

SOURCE: https://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/story/news/politics/2018/09/21/marc-molinaro-andrew-cuomo-wife-job/1379505002/ 

Third party and independent candidates include retired United Parcel Service worker Howie Hawkins (Green Party), former Syracuse Mayor Stephanie Miner(I), and business consultant Larry Sharpe (L).

We really don't want to go into too much details about the other candidates as we all know there's no such thing as "A Third Party" with a chance in Hell in this modern day system of Republicans calling Democrats assholes and vice versa.

But what the hell ---

HOWIE HAWKINS

(Green Party - that means they like to drink green beer and pee green all the live long day!)

Website - A Facebook page - cause Howie is like, "Fucker, I've ran for public offices 21 times since 1993!! I don't need no HOWIEFORSHIT.COM website!!!"

Howie was born on December 8th, 1952 in San Francisco, California which you know what that means, yep, Howie is a socialist.

For you kids who don't know what a socialist is, that's another term for "Commie" Green?  More like RED!!!

GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA YA HIPPY!!!

We kid!! We like Howie. 

He's a retired postal worker.

Respect the postal worker!!

OR they'll knife ya in the gullet!!!

His chances of winning? Better than ours!!

STEPHANIE MINER

 

(INDEPENDENT)

WEBSITE: https://www.minerforny.com/

People are wondering, WHO DA HELL IS FUNDING INDEPENDENT STEPHANIE MINER'S RUN AGAINST ANDREW FOR GOVERNOR?

• Space aliens?
• The Mafia
• Howie Hawkins (See above!! He didn't want to be the only lone wolf!!! It could have happened!!!)
• Clowns?
• Republicans who don't want to see another male in a key role in politics? HAR! HAR!

She has a website which states WE ARE and they seriously use the term "WE ARE" like there's a multitude of beings inside the one, like the Borg from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

The Borg are apparently trying to take over the world one major state at a time.

"We will no longer tolerate a system that uses our tax dollars for political favors and fails to deliver what citizens need from our government."  reads a statement on the front page of the website.

We can't argue with that and by we, I mean, I, but we sounds sooooooo much cooler, like there's a whole building of us writing this blog rather than one fat old guy in his jammies writing it.

Apparently we = "Stephanie Miner for Governor" and her Lt. Governor. Michael Volpe (Again, we are not making this up, BORG I'm telling you!!!)

They belong to the SAM Party.  (SAM = Serve America Movement - no, I'm not sure sure that they don't mean how the aliens meant the "Serve Mankind" in the recipe book content reveal.  "I like to serve my America with a nice white wine!!" Michael Volpe giggles, pulling his human mask off and revealing his lizard face.

Stephanie was former mayor of Syracuse. We give her chances of winning about the same as me winning the lottery tomorrow night.

.000000002 percent!!!

LARRY SHARPE gov

LIBERTARIAN PARTY

WEBSITE: https://larrysharpe.com/

Larry was born July 12th, 1968 in NYC.  His hair ran for Vice President of The United States of America in 2016 for the Libertarian Party.

He wants to empower people of New York, by giving them all the Sharpe Hair Cut, and have them wear name tags, which will make New York a friendlier state.

I kid.

Partly.

Larry calls his plan ---- Sharpe Policy! (Get it? Neither do we, part of our problem!)

He wants to return New York to its former glory!!!

No, we're not going into his policy.  We're not that bored!! 

Larry's chances of winning are about as good as we have winning as senator for the great state of Alabama!!!

.000000000000000000000001 percent.

But good luck Larry!!

So there it is, the people on the ballot!! Enjoyable right?

"Right!!"

So go vote New York and vote well!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!

WHO DA HELL IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR FOR THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI - An In-depth look at a campaign by a non-biased cat

WHO DA HELL IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR FOR THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI

A IN-DEPTH LOOK AT A CAMPAIGN BY A NON-BIASED CAT  

BY

Bob Xavier Williams

Here we are again, ready to bring you the reader some in-depth election coverage for midterm 2018.

This time, by spinning the wheel of poo, we have landed on "Senator for the Great State of Missouri".

Missouri is known for naming a river and horse flies as big as your head, just ask a native, they'll tell you.

"Sunsubabitches told my son!!! Right away!!"

So, here we go!!

CLAIRE MCCASKILL

(Democrat)

Website: https://clairemccaskill.com/

Why can't politician smile correctly?? We'll never know!

WHAT ABOUT CLAIRE?

Claire is already a senator who faced no challenger in 2012 primary but who is now facing a race of her life.  

We know jack poo about Claire's upbringing except she was born and raise in Missouri apparently in the year 2765. All human life will be destroyed, the only survivors will be senators and congressman, congressman term being so sexist it will be changed to people with beautiful hair.

Claire killed a man in 1982 and entered her life in politician.  

We kinda kid on that part but wouldn't that be awesome?

We thought so.

CLAIRE'S CAMPAIGN SONG

WHY CLAIRE?

Like most Democrats, Claire is for killing Vampire Nazis (which frightens Mitch McConnell who happens to be a Nazi Vampire!! Don't believe Google it!!!), educating our children, and creating jobs for all.

Claire thinks the opiod crisis is evil and wants to stop that.

She thinks we should support the vets.

By allowing them to build huge arks for when the rains come too fast to Missouri.

She'd like to kill a bear with her bare hands.

Get it?

Yeah, neither do we!! 

Probably what's most of our problems!!

She wants to curb sexual violence.

That's good too, unless you're a Republican who want to expand sexual violence.

News story we found - https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/oct/9/claire-mccaskill-josh-hawley-missouri-senate-race-/  Apparently this is a close race and tons of outside money are flooding the state of Missouri in attempts to sway the vote to their side, this race could decide who controls the Senate so the Big Fucks are throwing their money one way or the other.

November 6th is going to be a blood bath in the state of Missouri, you wait and see.  We'll make our prediction at the end of this blog!! 

JOSH HAWLEY

(Republican)

Website: https://joshhawley.com/

"Supermodel!! Strike a pose!!"

WHAT ABOUT JOSH?

Josh is the attorney general for the state of Missouri, like most AGs, Josh wants to be the next senator from this great state and is ready to do anything.

And I do mean anything.  

Josh was born with a great smile and looks to kill.

When he was born, the nurses gathered around to see the great wonder that was released upon the world, like some songs sing about.

Josh taught law at some colleges, mostly how not to be a lawyer.

But politics, like all the great souls of the world, called to Josh.

So Josh left the fancy world of fast cars and faster women that academic provide and went into politics, with a great smile and even better hair.

Josh has two awesome beautiful kids with his wife who is named Wild Child in most biographies.

We <3 Josh.  

JOSH CAMPAIGN SONG

WHY JOSH?

Josh is a Constitutional Conservative which means he'll kill you with the constitution, shoving it right up your butt and turning it around to face the wraith of God.

Josh also believe companies shouldn't have to pay for your wild romps in Cleveland and then ending up pregnant.

He's the one who helped give Hobby Lobby the right to not have to pay for your abortions, you sick perverted freak!

Shame on you!! PENNY BETWEEN THE KNEE slut will help keep the preggos away!!

Josh also believes that states should have the rights to kill you or anything else they want to do without Washington (that's DC!!!) stepping all over the rights of states, go away DC, you're not wanted here in Missouri!!

That's about all we could find on Josh's issues.

Mostly you can have abortions but not on Hobby Lobbies dime and don't tread on me.  

Nothing on gun rights but we bet Josh likes to shoot some liberals right up the ass.

And not in that homosexual way, Josh is all heterosexual beyond words.

(Note to reader - There are a few independents and third party members running too!! Go check them out here --- https://ballotpedia.org/United_States_Senate_election_in_Missouri,_2018

WHO WILL WIN?

Apparently, this is a bloody and heated race, both sides are flooding the airwaves with negative ads, Josh telling everyone Claire is a poo poo head and Claire telling everyone that Josh likes to artifically inseminate bulls.

What?

Right now, the polls are basically showing a dead even race with no winner in sight as of the writing of this blog.

The Libertarians and Green Party have some candidates in there but they're just taking votes from both sides with no chance in hell to really win.

Kids this is going to be the race that you tell your grandchildren about, like, "Yep, I was 8 years old when that race was held!!"

"Who won Grandpa?"

"I don't remember!!!"

And that's basically where we are here at None of the Above, in the who knows category.

Wait and see!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

I AM RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA - A POLITICAL BULLSHIT POST

I AM RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA

A POLITICAL BULLSHIT STORM POST  

by 

BOB XAVIER WILLIAMS, PhD (I've dug post holes!! It sucks!!)

"I don't do smiles, just take the fucking picture!"

So today, bored, I wrote a blog entry to this wonderful blog series called WHO DA FUCK IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA (If you haven't read it, why not? GO READ!! It's very in-depth and really covers the candidates fairly!! Brian Kemp's lawyers have already contacted us!!! And well, we told them KISS MY GINGER ASS!!!) and while in my bed, reading my 10,000th reply to a YouTuber I'm stalking, I mean, following I thought to myself,

I COULD BE GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA!!!!

"But Bob, " some random audience member interrupts from the crowd, "You don't live in Georgia!!"

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

"What?"

Exactly.

So today, a little under a month to go till election (November 6th people is fast approaching!! If you're not registered, you're fucked!! But probably some candidate has already used your information and voted for themselves anyways!! Senators are evil pricks!! I want to be Senator from the Great State of Georgia but well, this will do just fine!!!) I am announcing my candidacy for the position!!!

WHAT ABOUT BOB?

Bob X. Williams was born Jessica Samantha Smith on a warm summer night on July 16th, 1971 in the high mountains of Nebraska to Xanadu and Pippy Hartford in their summer home there.

In school, Bob exceeded at many things, like recess and nap time, sometimes arts and crafts, but only when pull tabs from beer cans were involved (kids, back in the day, teachers were allowed to make you do art projects, mostly involving clay, that included these things called pull tabs that came off of beer cans, ask your mom about it!! She knows all about pull tabs!!!).

He graduated 636 out of 1237 from Rick Dawnson School for the Creative Genius High School in Howzaboutthat, Alabama and soon found himself (though never playing before) as quarterback for the University of Alabama football team, where he took them to the Rose Bowl (but ticket prices were too much, so instead, the team went to Fridays and got drunk on 2 for 1 drinks!! Life's a party, LIVE IT!! was the motto of the University of Alabama football team at the time!!!)

Bob graduated with a 2.0 average (alcohol blood level) and a 1.3 grade point average and soon found himself out on the mean streets of post-academic life.

Sad really.

But he soon found a job as a clean up person at a local "Adult Video Booth" facility where he met his current life mate and wife, Samantha Shields.

They had 3 beautiful kids (and 14 ugly ones that had to be aborted due to them being ugly!!) and a dog they named Poo.

Cause he shits everywhere.

Bob believes hard work is for suckers and oops....I mean....Bob believes hard work and determination makes the world go around.

WHY BOB?

Bob grew up with the ideals that money doesn't grow on trees, monkeys don't really like being shot into space, and dreams (wet or otherwise) can come true if only if you could win the lottery.

Bob has a 999 points plan of Making The State of Georgia a better place, a plan he calls "THE PLAN TO BEGIN MY REIGN AS DICTATOR FOR LIFE OF THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" or maybe 999 POINTS OF LIGHTS TO MAKE GEORGIA A BETTER PLACE!!!

1.  Create jobs.  Good jobs. Jobs that pay more than $4.25 a day. Jobs with neat titles like store manager and cheese maker.  Would you like that? Course you would!! Who wouldn't!!! Vote for Bob and he'll get you that job. Maybe one with a hat. And your very own mop!! You like mops don't you? Course you do!!!

2. Education. Bob believes an educated kid is a good kid. Bob believes kids should be educated, things like Hillary Clinton is evil, Commies are bad, and rice pudding shouldn't be shoved up your ass.  That's evil, not what Jesus preached. Homosexuals are bad too.  Things that should be taught in schools, not things like the Earth is round and Global Weather Change is real!!

They not!

3. Monkeys. Monkeys will be the death of the human race. They will enslave us and stuff. Bob watched a documentary on TV the other night called PLANET OF THE APES.  It shows how in the future how the apes take over the world and enslave mankind. We must stop this from happening and kill all monkeys, apes, and other such things by deregulating the environmental controls we have been burdened with by a corrupt government who thinks monkeys are cute.  

Monkeys are the evil!!!!

4. Fornicating with your sister. Bob believes it's okay to fornicate with your sister, it shouldn't be a crime, if she's not good enough for your own family, she shouldn't be good enough for some other, or however that joke goes.  This was suppose to be about gun control but Bob was sleepy when we started this and kind of drifted off the script by the end. We're sorry.  Bob doesn't really believe that having sex with your sister is good.

"Do so monkey loving commie!!!"

We don't really have 999 points but 4 points sounds lazy so......

VOTE BOB X. WILLIAMS, you know you want too!!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!