I AM RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA - A POLITICAL BULLSHIT POST

I AM RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA

A POLITICAL BULLSHIT STORM POST  

by 

BOB XAVIER WILLIAMS, PhD (I've dug post holes!! It sucks!!)

"I don't do smiles, just take the fucking picture!"

So today, bored, I wrote a blog entry to this wonderful blog series called WHO DA FUCK IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA (If you haven't read it, why not? GO READ!! It's very in-depth and really covers the candidates fairly!! Brian Kemp's lawyers have already contacted us!!! And well, we told them KISS MY GINGER ASS!!!) and while in my bed, reading my 10,000th reply to a YouTuber I'm stalking, I mean, following I thought to myself,

I COULD BE GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA!!!!

"But Bob, " some random audience member interrupts from the crowd, "You don't live in Georgia!!"

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

"What?"

Exactly.

So today, a little under a month to go till election (November 6th people is fast approaching!! If you're not registered, you're fucked!! But probably some candidate has already used your information and voted for themselves anyways!! Senators are evil pricks!! I want to be Senator from the Great State of Georgia but well, this will do just fine!!!) I am announcing my candidacy for the position!!!

WHAT ABOUT BOB?

Bob X. Williams was born Jessica Samantha Smith on a warm summer night on July 16th, 1971 in the high mountains of Nebraska to Xanadu and Pippy Hartford in their summer home there.

In school, Bob exceeded at many things, like recess and nap time, sometimes arts and crafts, but only when pull tabs from beer cans were involved (kids, back in the day, teachers were allowed to make you do art projects, mostly involving clay, that included these things called pull tabs that came off of beer cans, ask your mom about it!! She knows all about pull tabs!!!).

He graduated 636 out of 1237 from Rick Dawnson School for the Creative Genius High School in Howzaboutthat, Alabama and soon found himself (though never playing before) as quarterback for the University of Alabama football team, where he took them to the Rose Bowl (but ticket prices were too much, so instead, the team went to Fridays and got drunk on 2 for 1 drinks!! Life's a party, LIVE IT!! was the motto of the University of Alabama football team at the time!!!)

Bob graduated with a 2.0 average (alcohol blood level) and a 1.3 grade point average and soon found himself out on the mean streets of post-academic life.

Sad really.

But he soon found a job as a clean up person at a local "Adult Video Booth" facility where he met his current life mate and wife, Samantha Shields.

They had 3 beautiful kids (and 14 ugly ones that had to be aborted due to them being ugly!!) and a dog they named Poo.

Cause he shits everywhere.

Bob believes hard work is for suckers and oops....I mean....Bob believes hard work and determination makes the world go around.

WHY BOB?

Bob grew up with the ideals that money doesn't grow on trees, monkeys don't really like being shot into space, and dreams (wet or otherwise) can come true if only if you could win the lottery.

Bob has a 999 points plan of Making The State of Georgia a better place, a plan he calls "THE PLAN TO BEGIN MY REIGN AS DICTATOR FOR LIFE OF THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" or maybe 999 POINTS OF LIGHTS TO MAKE GEORGIA A BETTER PLACE!!!

1.  Create jobs.  Good jobs. Jobs that pay more than $4.25 a day. Jobs with neat titles like store manager and cheese maker.  Would you like that? Course you would!! Who wouldn't!!! Vote for Bob and he'll get you that job. Maybe one with a hat. And your very own mop!! You like mops don't you? Course you do!!!

2. Education. Bob believes an educated kid is a good kid. Bob believes kids should be educated, things like Hillary Clinton is evil, Commies are bad, and rice pudding shouldn't be shoved up your ass.  That's evil, not what Jesus preached. Homosexuals are bad too.  Things that should be taught in schools, not things like the Earth is round and Global Weather Change is real!!

They not!

3. Monkeys. Monkeys will be the death of the human race. They will enslave us and stuff. Bob watched a documentary on TV the other night called PLANET OF THE APES.  It shows how in the future how the apes take over the world and enslave mankind. We must stop this from happening and kill all monkeys, apes, and other such things by deregulating the environmental controls we have been burdened with by a corrupt government who thinks monkeys are cute.  

Monkeys are the evil!!!!

4. Fornicating with your sister. Bob believes it's okay to fornicate with your sister, it shouldn't be a crime, if she's not good enough for your own family, she shouldn't be good enough for some other, or however that joke goes.  This was suppose to be about gun control but Bob was sleepy when we started this and kind of drifted off the script by the end. We're sorry.  Bob doesn't really believe that having sex with your sister is good.

"Do so monkey loving commie!!!"

We don't really have 999 points but 4 points sounds lazy so......

VOTE BOB X. WILLIAMS, you know you want too!!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!