Friday, October 12, 2018

WHO DA HELL IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR FOR THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI - An In-depth look at a campaign by a non-biased cat

WHO DA HELL IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR FOR THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI

A IN-DEPTH LOOK AT A CAMPAIGN BY A NON-BIASED CAT  

BY

Bob Xavier Williams

Here we are again, ready to bring you the reader some in-depth election coverage for midterm 2018.

This time, by spinning the wheel of poo, we have landed on "Senator for the Great State of Missouri".

Missouri is known for naming a river and horse flies as big as your head, just ask a native, they'll tell you.

"Sunsubabitches told my son!!! Right away!!"

So, here we go!!

CLAIRE MCCASKILL
(Democrat)

Why can't politician smile correctly?? We'll never know!
WHAT ABOUT CLAIRE?

Claire is already a senator who faced no challenger in 2012 primary but who is now facing a race of her life.  

We know jack poo about Claire's upbringing except she was born and raise in Missouri apparently in the year 2765. All human life will be destroyed, the only survivors will be senators and congressman, congressman term being so sexist it will be changed to people with beautiful hair.

Claire killed a man in 1982 and entered her life in politician.  

We kinda kid on that part but wouldn't that be awesome?

We thought so.

CLAIRE'S CAMPAIGN SONG


WHY CLAIRE?

Like most Democrats, Claire is for killing Vampire Nazis (which frightens Mitch McConnell who happens to be a Nazi Vampire!! Don't believe Google it!!!), educating our children, and creating jobs for all.

Claire thinks the opiod crisis is evil and wants to stop that.

She thinks we should support the vets.

By allowing them to build huge arks for when the rains come too fast to Missouri.

She'd like to kill a bear with her bare hands.

Get it?

Yeah, neither do we!! 

Probably what's most of our problems!!

She wants to curb sexual violence.

That's good too, unless you're a Republican who want to expand sexual violence.

News story we found - https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/oct/9/claire-mccaskill-josh-hawley-missouri-senate-race-/  Apparently this is a close race and tons of outside money are flooding the state of Missouri in attempts to sway the vote to their side, this race could decide who controls the Senate so the Big Fucks are throwing their money one way or the other.

November 6th is going to be a blood bath in the state of Missouri, you wait and see.  We'll make our prediction at the end of this blog!! 

JOSH HAWLEY
(Republican)

"Supermodel!! Strike a pose!!"
WHAT ABOUT JOSH?

Josh is the attorney general for the state of Missouri, like most AGs, Josh wants to be the next senator from this great state and is ready to do anything.

And I do mean anything.  


Josh was born with a great smile and looks to kill.

When he was born, the nurses gathered around to see the great wonder that was released upon the world, like some songs sing about.

Josh taught law at some colleges, mostly how not to be a lawyer.

But politics, like all the great souls of the world, called to Josh.

So Josh left the fancy world of fast cars and faster women that academic provide and went into politics, with a great smile and even better hair.

Josh has two awesome beautiful kids with his wife who is named Wild Child in most biographies.

We <3 Josh.  

JOSH CAMPAIGN SONG



WHY JOSH?

Josh is a Constitutional Conservative which means he'll kill you with the constitution, shoving it right up your butt and turning it around to face the wraith of God.

Josh also believe companies shouldn't have to pay for your wild romps in Cleveland and then ending up pregnant.

He's the one who helped give Hobby Lobby the right to not have to pay for your abortions, you sick perverted freak!

Shame on you!! PENNY BETWEEN THE KNEE slut will help keep the preggos away!!

Josh also believes that states should have the rights to kill you or anything else they want to do without Washington (that's DC!!!) stepping all over the rights of states, go away DC, you're not wanted here in Missouri!!

That's about all we could find on Josh's issues.

Mostly you can have abortions but not on Hobby Lobbies dime and don't tread on me.  

Nothing on gun rights but we bet Josh likes to shoot some liberals right up the ass.

And not in that homosexual way, Josh is all heterosexual beyond words.

(Note to reader - There are a few independents and third party members running too!! Go check them out here --- https://ballotpedia.org/United_States_Senate_election_in_Missouri,_2018

WHO WILL WIN?

Apparently, this is a bloody and heated race, both sides are flooding the airwaves with negative ads, Josh telling everyone Claire is a poo poo head and Claire telling everyone that Josh likes to artifically inseminate bulls.

What?

Right now, the polls are basically showing a dead even race with no winner in sight as of the writing of this blog.

The Libertarians and Green Party have some candidates in there but they're just taking votes from both sides with no chance in hell to really win.

Kids this is going to be the race that you tell your grandchildren about, like, "Yep, I was 8 years old when that race was held!!"

"Who won Grandpa?"

"I don't remember!!!"

And that's basically where we are here at None of the Above, in the who knows category.

Wait and see!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

2 comments:

  1. As a one time resident of the great state of Misery...uh..Missouri, I can truthfully say that your analysis of the Senate race makes about much sense as the two candidates...COMBINED!

    ReplyDelete