WHO DA FRUCK IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF OKLAHOMA?
A Midterm Report 2018
By
Bob Xavier Williams
Here we are, little over two weeks until the Midterm elections are ranging upon us like some oversexed college student on spring break!
This blog we'll look into the governor race for the great state of Oklahoma!!
What makes it so great?
Hot babes and ton of beer!
The current governor, seen below, is unable to run again this time around due to term limits!
She very sad but it does mean, new candidates for the job!
And we couldn't be more excited!!!
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| current governor of Oklahoma - Republican Mary Fallin |
(Apparently Wikipedia has no photo of Kevin, go to his site to see his face!)
KEVIN STITT
(REPUBLICAN)
Website: https://www.stittforgovernor.com/
WHAT ABOUT KEVIN?
Kevin is a conservative businessman.
Or a Nazi Vampire.
We're not sure.
His dad was a priest, of, we thing, the High Church of Satan, but we could be wrong!
One of these days we hope to learn how to read.
Kevin wants to go up to the State Capitol and kill everyone with his good looks and bright white teeth.
We're pretty sure we got that right looking at the picture of him and his family, his wife - Aquafina holding their blessed little child Aug and the other twenty seven kids gathered about like some sort of TLC show.
That's all we can find about Kevin - no date of birth, only that his dad was a preacher man and Kevin started a financing company with a $1000 and a computer.
A computer he stole from Radio Shack.
We kid.
He stole it from Sears.
WHY KEVIN?
Kevin wants to streamline both financially and logistically all the branches and departments of the Oklahoma government body.
"It too fat!! We need to cut and cut deep!! Do we really need all of these departments?"
We sure don't!!!
He also wants to reform education.
"Our kids are dumb! Why? Bloated education system!! We need to teach the 3 Rs again - Republican, R, Rite!"
Kevin wants to bring jobs back to Oklahoma, through attracting companies back to the state.
"Good jobs for good people!! The sooner the better!! Har! Har!"
We don't get the joke either!!!
He believes agriculture should be brought back to the #1 position as well as Pro-Life!
"We need more babies for them farms!!"
He's right, you know!! Har! Har!!
We made that joke up just now.
"I don't get it!!"
Kevin believes everyone should get a gun.
Two if you nice!!!
DREW EDMONDSON
(DEMOCRAT)
Website:https://drewforoklahoma.com/
WHO IS DREW?
Drew is the former attorney general of Oklahoma.
Drew was born in Oklahoma, he's (according to his website) for Oklahoma.
Unless Kansas gives him a better offer!!
Yes, he does look like an insurance salesman.
Or a used car salesman!
"My father told me I should have became a preacher!"
He was born on October 12th, 1946.
At least with Drew we got a photo and a birthday!
WHY DREW?
Apparently both sides can agree that Oklahoma's schools are a mess and need fixing and quickly!
"We have too many dumb kids in our school system. My plan is to kill all the stupid kids and process them into nutritional food for the rest!"
Good idea Drew.
You sure you're not Republican.
Drew also wants to fix Oklahoma's broken government.
"I want to kill everyone who doesn't contribute to the process and leave the good ones!"
Again, another winning idea!!
No new taxes!! And kill all the sick people!!
DREW!!!!
His wife Linda has a blog too!!!
Most of these candidates just have their wives sit there and look pretty, not Drew.
"Drew is the man to bring Oklahoma into the 20th Century!!"
And we believe her!!!
CHRIS POWELL
(LIBERTARIAN)
Website:http://www.powellforgovernor.com
WHAT ABOUT CHRIS?
Chris was in the movie series Harry Potter.
We kid but in his publicity shots, it sure does look like he could have been.
His father was a truck driver and his mom was a book keeper and now, this Libertarian (which is an old Indian word for no chance in hell) wants to be governor!!
"I can do it!!"
We think he can but then we also eat lead paint chips our entire life.
Chris believes that nobody knows our kids, not in DC or even at the state house, so why the fuck bother.
Seriously, go to his website, click issues and read his stance on education.
Don't tell me I can't translate issues speak!!!
Chris believes we should execute everyone, even if they haven't committed a crime.
"I do not!!"
He basically believes that everyone should have a gun, to "protect themselves", as stated in the Constitution.
You go look, I'll wait.
He also wants to legalize the pot.
We like him for that.
He thinks everyone should have access to Healthcare, even the commies.
We kinda like Chris but he has no chance in Hell.
WHO WILL WIN?
If we were a betting man, we'd say a wet towel will win.
Or that Kevin fellow.
He's Republican.
We're not against Republicans but we just don't like betting on them.
And he doesn't have a birthday!!
That's kinda sad!!
Good night and have a better tomorrow,
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