WHO DA HELL IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR FOR THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI - An In-depth look at a campaign by a non-biased cat

WHO DA HELL IS RUNNING FOR SENATOR FOR THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI

A IN-DEPTH LOOK AT A CAMPAIGN BY A NON-BIASED CAT  

BY

Bob Xavier Williams

Here we are again, ready to bring you the reader some in-depth election coverage for midterm 2018.

This time, by spinning the wheel of poo, we have landed on "Senator for the Great State of Missouri".

Missouri is known for naming a river and horse flies as big as your head, just ask a native, they'll tell you.

"Sunsubabitches told my son!!! Right away!!"

So, here we go!!

CLAIRE MCCASKILL

(Democrat)

Website: https://clairemccaskill.com/

Why can't politician smile correctly?? We'll never know!

WHAT ABOUT CLAIRE?

Claire is already a senator who faced no challenger in 2012 primary but who is now facing a race of her life.  

We know jack poo about Claire's upbringing except she was born and raise in Missouri apparently in the year 2765. All human life will be destroyed, the only survivors will be senators and congressman, congressman term being so sexist it will be changed to people with beautiful hair.

Claire killed a man in 1982 and entered her life in politician.  

We kinda kid on that part but wouldn't that be awesome?

We thought so.

CLAIRE'S CAMPAIGN SONG

WHY CLAIRE?

Like most Democrats, Claire is for killing Vampire Nazis (which frightens Mitch McConnell who happens to be a Nazi Vampire!! Don't believe Google it!!!), educating our children, and creating jobs for all.

Claire thinks the opiod crisis is evil and wants to stop that.

She thinks we should support the vets.

By allowing them to build huge arks for when the rains come too fast to Missouri.

She'd like to kill a bear with her bare hands.

Get it?

Yeah, neither do we!! 

Probably what's most of our problems!!

She wants to curb sexual violence.

That's good too, unless you're a Republican who want to expand sexual violence.

News story we found - https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/oct/9/claire-mccaskill-josh-hawley-missouri-senate-race-/  Apparently this is a close race and tons of outside money are flooding the state of Missouri in attempts to sway the vote to their side, this race could decide who controls the Senate so the Big Fucks are throwing their money one way or the other.

November 6th is going to be a blood bath in the state of Missouri, you wait and see.  We'll make our prediction at the end of this blog!! 

JOSH HAWLEY

(Republican)

Website: https://joshhawley.com/

"Supermodel!! Strike a pose!!"

WHAT ABOUT JOSH?

Josh is the attorney general for the state of Missouri, like most AGs, Josh wants to be the next senator from this great state and is ready to do anything.

And I do mean anything.  

Josh was born with a great smile and looks to kill.

When he was born, the nurses gathered around to see the great wonder that was released upon the world, like some songs sing about.

Josh taught law at some colleges, mostly how not to be a lawyer.

But politics, like all the great souls of the world, called to Josh.

So Josh left the fancy world of fast cars and faster women that academic provide and went into politics, with a great smile and even better hair.

Josh has two awesome beautiful kids with his wife who is named Wild Child in most biographies.

We <3 Josh.  

JOSH CAMPAIGN SONG

WHY JOSH?

Josh is a Constitutional Conservative which means he'll kill you with the constitution, shoving it right up your butt and turning it around to face the wraith of God.

Josh also believe companies shouldn't have to pay for your wild romps in Cleveland and then ending up pregnant.

He's the one who helped give Hobby Lobby the right to not have to pay for your abortions, you sick perverted freak!

Shame on you!! PENNY BETWEEN THE KNEE slut will help keep the preggos away!!

Josh also believes that states should have the rights to kill you or anything else they want to do without Washington (that's DC!!!) stepping all over the rights of states, go away DC, you're not wanted here in Missouri!!

That's about all we could find on Josh's issues.

Mostly you can have abortions but not on Hobby Lobbies dime and don't tread on me.  

Nothing on gun rights but we bet Josh likes to shoot some liberals right up the ass.

And not in that homosexual way, Josh is all heterosexual beyond words.

(Note to reader - There are a few independents and third party members running too!! Go check them out here --- https://ballotpedia.org/United_States_Senate_election_in_Missouri,_2018

WHO WILL WIN?

Apparently, this is a bloody and heated race, both sides are flooding the airwaves with negative ads, Josh telling everyone Claire is a poo poo head and Claire telling everyone that Josh likes to artifically inseminate bulls.

What?

Right now, the polls are basically showing a dead even race with no winner in sight as of the writing of this blog.

The Libertarians and Green Party have some candidates in there but they're just taking votes from both sides with no chance in hell to really win.

Kids this is going to be the race that you tell your grandchildren about, like, "Yep, I was 8 years old when that race was held!!"

"Who won Grandpa?"

"I don't remember!!!"

And that's basically where we are here at None of the Above, in the who knows category.

Wait and see!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

I AM RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA - A POLITICAL BULLSHIT POST

I AM RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA

A POLITICAL BULLSHIT STORM POST  

by 

BOB XAVIER WILLIAMS, PhD (I've dug post holes!! It sucks!!)

"I don't do smiles, just take the fucking picture!"

So today, bored, I wrote a blog entry to this wonderful blog series called WHO DA FUCK IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA (If you haven't read it, why not? GO READ!! It's very in-depth and really covers the candidates fairly!! Brian Kemp's lawyers have already contacted us!!! And well, we told them KISS MY GINGER ASS!!!) and while in my bed, reading my 10,000th reply to a YouTuber I'm stalking, I mean, following I thought to myself,

I COULD BE GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF GEORGIA!!!!

"But Bob, " some random audience member interrupts from the crowd, "You don't live in Georgia!!"

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

"What?"

Exactly.

So today, a little under a month to go till election (November 6th people is fast approaching!! If you're not registered, you're fucked!! But probably some candidate has already used your information and voted for themselves anyways!! Senators are evil pricks!! I want to be Senator from the Great State of Georgia but well, this will do just fine!!!) I am announcing my candidacy for the position!!!

WHAT ABOUT BOB?

Bob X. Williams was born Jessica Samantha Smith on a warm summer night on July 16th, 1971 in the high mountains of Nebraska to Xanadu and Pippy Hartford in their summer home there.

In school, Bob exceeded at many things, like recess and nap time, sometimes arts and crafts, but only when pull tabs from beer cans were involved (kids, back in the day, teachers were allowed to make you do art projects, mostly involving clay, that included these things called pull tabs that came off of beer cans, ask your mom about it!! She knows all about pull tabs!!!).

He graduated 636 out of 1237 from Rick Dawnson School for the Creative Genius High School in Howzaboutthat, Alabama and soon found himself (though never playing before) as quarterback for the University of Alabama football team, where he took them to the Rose Bowl (but ticket prices were too much, so instead, the team went to Fridays and got drunk on 2 for 1 drinks!! Life's a party, LIVE IT!! was the motto of the University of Alabama football team at the time!!!)

Bob graduated with a 2.0 average (alcohol blood level) and a 1.3 grade point average and soon found himself out on the mean streets of post-academic life.

Sad really.

But he soon found a job as a clean up person at a local "Adult Video Booth" facility where he met his current life mate and wife, Samantha Shields.

They had 3 beautiful kids (and 14 ugly ones that had to be aborted due to them being ugly!!) and a dog they named Poo.

Cause he shits everywhere.

Bob believes hard work is for suckers and oops....I mean....Bob believes hard work and determination makes the world go around.

WHY BOB?

Bob grew up with the ideals that money doesn't grow on trees, monkeys don't really like being shot into space, and dreams (wet or otherwise) can come true if only if you could win the lottery.

Bob has a 999 points plan of Making The State of Georgia a better place, a plan he calls "THE PLAN TO BEGIN MY REIGN AS DICTATOR FOR LIFE OF THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" or maybe 999 POINTS OF LIGHTS TO MAKE GEORGIA A BETTER PLACE!!!

1.  Create jobs.  Good jobs. Jobs that pay more than $4.25 a day. Jobs with neat titles like store manager and cheese maker.  Would you like that? Course you would!! Who wouldn't!!! Vote for Bob and he'll get you that job. Maybe one with a hat. And your very own mop!! You like mops don't you? Course you do!!!

2. Education. Bob believes an educated kid is a good kid. Bob believes kids should be educated, things like Hillary Clinton is evil, Commies are bad, and rice pudding shouldn't be shoved up your ass.  That's evil, not what Jesus preached. Homosexuals are bad too.  Things that should be taught in schools, not things like the Earth is round and Global Weather Change is real!!

They not!

3. Monkeys. Monkeys will be the death of the human race. They will enslave us and stuff. Bob watched a documentary on TV the other night called PLANET OF THE APES.  It shows how in the future how the apes take over the world and enslave mankind. We must stop this from happening and kill all monkeys, apes, and other such things by deregulating the environmental controls we have been burdened with by a corrupt government who thinks monkeys are cute.  

Monkeys are the evil!!!!

4. Fornicating with your sister. Bob believes it's okay to fornicate with your sister, it shouldn't be a crime, if she's not good enough for your own family, she shouldn't be good enough for some other, or however that joke goes.  This was suppose to be about gun control but Bob was sleepy when we started this and kind of drifted off the script by the end. We're sorry.  Bob doesn't really believe that having sex with your sister is good.

"Do so monkey loving commie!!!"

We don't really have 999 points but 4 points sounds lazy so......

VOTE BOB X. WILLIAMS, you know you want too!!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!